The Mew
by Strawberrii
Summary: Entry for a MARY SUE CONTEST: Ultra super rich actress Sakura Goldwater has come to Tokyo,to become a Mew and fight the aliens, but of course, she has a dark secret... A PARODY.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcum to my ffic. No flamez plz. **

**( Sorry, but I feel like a total incompetent tit writing like that. How do Sue authors do it? I think they just blindfold themselves and smash their fists down on the keyboard hoping for the best.)**

**This is an entry for Essence of Gold's Mary Sue contest, I chose Subtle Sue at first then changed to NCS...Have fun :B **

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Heads turned automatically, to stare at the beauty which was Sakura Crystal Alice Blueberry Goldwater, walking down the busy street. So beautiful and elegent, yet so tragic! Sakura was an internationally famous star, known for her talents as not only a repeatedly Oscar winning actress, but a stunning model, a melodic singer and as the heiress to her late fathers legacy. She moved silently through the crowds, her Gucci shoes clacking gently against the ground. A small little girl ran up to Sakura, tugging on her hand.

"Miss Sakura! I'm your biggest fan! Can I have your autograph?" Sakura stared at the child, where were her parents? Sakura asked this herself, and the child pouted.

"Mama and Papa are working somewhere in the world, I'm out with my nanny." she blinked tears from her eyes, and Sakura's eyes widend as memories of herself as a lonley child flooded back.

Why...this little girl was a repeat of herself, of course without the talent. Sakura silently signed the little girl's retainer, patted her hair and continued her walk, ignoring the 'Aww's!' of her devoted fans.

Sakura had never _wanted _to be a star. It just _happened._ The minute her parents tragically crashed their private jet, she was orphaned in this big world. She threw herself into acting, to pretend she wasn't really herself, and became a five year old workaholic, where she was discovered by Model Scouts, who immeadiatley signed her on in their company. When Sakura landed a role in the musical _Annie _(she was Annie of course!) more scouts, but music ones this time, heard her voice and were captivated by it. Thus began her lonley career ahead. At fourteen, she tired of it and was desperate for a break.

Sakura apologised to the director, but she couldn't possibly bring herself to play the role of _Elizabeth Swann _in _Pirates of the Carribbean_, as she needed a break to her apartment in Tokyo. Sakura dipped into her inheritence, (why break into her trust fund) and booked herself a private jet to the city.

Sakura had a private dream, that she would quit acting one day, and re-enter the world of aristocracy, as a stunning billionairess, with style of course, not like Paris Hilton, so she could finally marry her childhood sweetheart,

The Honourable Lord Brad Leonardo von Reuben-Pitt de Caprio-Stammington, heir to the beatiful English statley home of Stammington.

"My love..." she breathed in her melodic voice, which to some could also be identified as the voice of Salad Fingers, the Youtube celebrity of the moment. Sakura walked into the local park, sitting upon a bench by herself, nobody approached her ever, couldn't they see past the glamourous exterior and see she was just a normal person?

She sniveled slightly, as she opened her copy of _Advanced Rocket Science for Prodigys._

"Of course the engine goes there...why wouldn't it?" she frowned at a completley incorrect diagram, glancing at a squirrel that scurried by,it collected an acorn from the ground, pausing to exchange glances with Sakura. The moment their eyes connected, the squirrel gave a pitiful cry and fell over, dead, probably shocked that a working class squirrel such as itself, should ever get to gaze upon Sakura Goldwater.

At that moment, the most distastful screech arose from the sky, and a monster with the worst taste in colour (in Sakura's opinion anyway, she _was _voted _Style Icon of the Year _all her fourteen years of being alive...) charged through the tree's. Everybody immeadiatley fled screaming, although Sakura didn't fear a giant squirrel with razor fangs, what was the danger?

As the monster destroyed the beautiful park, Sakura glanced at her deceased squirrel friend,

"Your right Toby," she nodded at it, "Osama bin Laden never got wherever he is by sitting still."

Sakura jumped up, running toward the beast she glanced at the intricate heart tattoo on her thigh, (which had appeared by magic!) as it glowed.

"Mew Mew Sakura Blueberry! Metamorphosis!" she cried allowing the sugary pink aura to lift her into the sky and transform her into her delightful pink dress complete with ribbons. Her cream cat ears and tail morphed also, with an extra pink bow tied to her tail. Sakura's naturally platinum blonde hair shimmered and turned sugar pink, as did her amazing sky blue eyes.

Sakura watched as a group of animorphic girls ran toward the monster, she recognised them breifly as Tokyo Mew Mew, they nearly made the news in America once, but it had also been the premiere for _Twilight, _(she'd played Bella Swan opposite Rob Pattison,) and she'd been wearing the most gorgeous Dolce and Gabbana dress, which Dolce said was just for her, one of kind. So _of course _she'd made front page over a gang of real life superheros. The pink one, who seemed to be copying Sakura's outfit, signalled for the girls to position themselves, to combine their attacks into a big one, which had never before failed them. Of course until now. The monster screeched loudly, and batted them away with its claws, they cried out, laying on the ground, staring at this hideous beast they could not defeat.

"Super Dooper Cream Dream!" she screeched, a sceptre materialised in her hand, she waved it menacingly at the giant monster, which had a certain resembelence to Amy Winehouse. (Who had been _so_ pissed off when Sakura won the Emmy for Best Singer instead of her.)

With one gleam from the wand, the monster retreated, hissing as it died from the pink bubble that popped on its skin.

Tokyo Mew Mew stared in awe at this new pink superhero, she stared back at them, ashamed she had been seen, and turned running back into the trees.

"Hey! What do you think your doing!" a voice cried angrily, Sakura turned to see an alien before her, with long ears and a mop of green hair, completed with golden eyes. The aliens glare turned to a look of complete awe.

"I-I'm sorry kitty," he breathed. "I didn't notice how beautiful you were."

"Oh no.." Sakura sighed, not ANOTHER admirer!

"Come with me!" the alien crowed, "I'm Kish and we can be together for ever, I'd die for you my princess!"

Princess! Sakura was nobodies princess! She was 85th in line for the British throne but she didn't have an offical title. Yet.

"No!" Sakura shreiked in protest, "I'm completley devoted to my love Brad Leonardo!"

"I'll kill him!" shrieked Kish in reply. "If I cannot have you, nobody can!"

"No no no!" sobbed Sakura again, why must fate meddle in such a way? She could feel herself gaining feelings for Kish! "You can never have me." she whispered and escaped his grasp, although he was levitating a moment ago, and fled the scene again.

Sakura eventually reached her aparment, despite the haggles of fans at a music store, who thought she was holding an autograph session...

She dropped her Prada bag and collapsed onto the leather sofa, overlooking the superb skyline of Tokyo. Her message machine was flashing, delicatley she leaned over, pressing the button.

_"Sakura? Are you home? Obviously not, I was really upset to hear you weren't accepting the role of Elizabeth...silly but, I'd kind of hoped we could have an on set romance? Stupid I know, with Brad Leonardo...can you believe who they hired instead? That twig Keira Knightly, she's nothing compared to you. Give us a call maybe? Maybe we can get together for work sometime. Love Orlando." _

Sakura groaned, get a life Orlando! She deleted the message.

Next message?

_'Sakura! Its Rob, Pattison of course, geuss what? There's going to be a sequel to Twilight! Called New Moon, of course. I get to go topless again, woo...although for some reason theyre drawing on my six pack, while Taylor gets a real one! Dicks. We need you as Bella again honey, talk to you when you get back from Japan. '_

Sakura deleted this again, what didn't people get about 'longtime break, dont know how long for, dont bother me, NO I cant get back to help Michelle Obama go shopping again'.

Sakura walked through to her bedroom, flopping down on the bed, she wiped her eyes slowly staring at the picture of her parents on the bedside table.

What a truly horrible life she lead! Slowly, Sakura curled up in a ball, and sobbed herself to sleep, at which point I, the author, feel so terribly sorry for her, although deep down I am fantasizing about being Sakura Crystal Alice Blueberry Goldwater. And now, while she sleeps, I must go and find a Roleplay forum somewhere, where I can fulfill this fantasy.

Morning came quickly for Sakura, she dressed in her new summer Dior frock and grabbed her Prada bag again, (with the current depression, Sakura thought it best to recycle her thousand dollar bags..)

A quick stroll in the park for her daily excerise, Sakura never went to the gym. Why bother when she was naturally blessed with this beautifal, tanned, toned body that _Playboy _desperatley drooled over for a photoshoot. Of course Sakura would never do that! She had felt a tad rude though, when she told Hef she wouldn't ever even think about becoming one of his multiple girlfriends, Hef offered to dump them all for Sakura, but she was only fourteen, plenty of time to shack up with a billionaire. Not that she needed to, not with Brad Leonardo and his dashing good looks. Suddenly a squirrel ran past, which Sakura recognised as Toby.

"Toby!" she gasped, kneeling down, another thing Sakura could do, talk to animals! It must come with her new found Mew powers.

"_Miss Goldwater_!" it sqeuaked back_. "I'm in a dreadful hurry, do exuse me m'lady!" _it waved to her running off, Sakura waved after it, as Toby joined another squirrel, she did not hear the creature mutter under its breath to the other, _"And why the _fuck _does she call me Toby?" _

_"I dont know Mel, I really dont know."_

Getting up, Sakura paused outside Tokyo Mew Mew's cafe, of course she knew it was their secret base, what didn't she know? Suddenly a small yellow waitress bustled out the door, squeling as she spotted Sakura.

"No autographs!" Sakura scowled before the Mew dragged her inside.

"Look guys, I found her!" Sakura blinked as she was handed a cute pink waitress outfit. Ryou, the cafe owner, blushed furiosly as Sakura tried it on, pouting cutley as she tried to tie the sash at the back.

"And take this too!" they insisted handed her a golden gleaming pendant.  
"Welcome, Mew Sakura!"

At that moment, Keiichiro stumbled in, tussled he tugged at his shirt collar.

"Um.." he averted his eyes from Sakura's beauty. "There's a chimera in the park!"

Sakura nodded, but before they could move, Ichigo stepped forward, pouting.

"Guys..I...I really don't think I'm cut out to be leader..." she looked at Sakura. "Would you.."

Sakura grabbed her new friends hands sympathetically, "Of course I'll be leader." she nodded, staring at her new minions.

"Now min- I mean girls," she pointed to the sky, "To the scene of the crime!"

Who was this new faboulas Mew Mew? Why Mew Sakura of course!

As they ran to the park, Sakura's fists clenched, she had forgotten her secret! She couldn't tell them, she couldn't tell anyone! It might just destroy her life.  
More.

**You know you love her.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome to Chapter 2, after an exciting interval, where had it been my choice, I would have ran adverts about snoods, Baconaise, and those annoying Cash-for-Gold adverts. They don't seem to realise that even if I wore it, I wouldn't give them my gold.**

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It was a beautiful morning, so beautiful infact, it was just perfect for a sue- I mean superstar, to lead her minions, ahem, teamates to battle against a ferociously fluffy alien-cat. Who infact was really a gentle cat, and had been minding his own business, having a tinkle against people's walls and so on, (he thought it was awfully ironic he was called Tiddles by his owners) when a ghastly cow eared alien had plucked him up and turned him into this abomination. Hibernius, (as _he _called himself) was now fighting a group of superhero girls in either miniskirts or short shorts, or nothing. The most beautiful female, in a stunning pink ensamble, (which looked totally shabby on the other girl) waved her magical wand and shouted about dooper creamy dreams or something, when a pink bubble popped upon his arm, and cause the most agonising pain. Before he knew it he was back to normal again, but alas the horror did not end here.

"How dare you pick on a poor defencless pussy?" the beautiful female shouted at the cow eared alien as she scooped Hibernius up, not even holding him properly, but leaving him dangling like he was in the arms of a five year old child.

"Get over it, I'm only here for you." the alien grinned extending his hand. "C'mon kitten, I'll take care of you!"

"Hey thats my nickname!" another pink haired girl frowned, and the alien sighed.

"Yes, but Ichigo your forgetting I don't love you anymore, I love this little kitty right here!"

"You make me sick!" the 'little kitty' cried, "With your shabby potato sack clothes!"

Before the alien could respond to this insult, Sakura clutched the cat to her breast. "You will pay for this Kish!" she shouted before looking at Hibernius, "Its okay Arabella, you can come home with me!" she smiled, stroking him roughly.

Hibernius mewled, the torture would not end.

--

"Sakura-sama, you...you were so amazing!" Mint gasped back at the cafe, "Not only in battle...but in _Titanic _to! "

"God Leonardo was such a douche." Sakura sighed, "But thanks...I guess." she filed her nails.

"Whens it my shift?"

"Now," Ryou nodded quickly, "So, uh get to work!" he pointed to the customers who quickly filed in.

Sakura pouted, but dutifully walked over to the customers to take their order, of course they never recognised her, because a maid headpeice made the most unrecognisable difference. The afternoon went gently at first, Sakura was exused during rush hour, then took the last shift, where she was alone in the cafe with Ryou.

"You did a good job today." he smiled warmly at her, and Sakura blushed lightly.

"Thank you." she replied, as she stacked a pile of pastry plates. One teetered slightly, and before she could blink Ryou was beside her, catching the plates quickly.

"Careful!" he laughed, steadying them, they both went to grab another plate at the same time, their hands clashing, then speedily withdrawing. Both blonds stared at eachother, unable to resist the romantic aura that had been conjured within seconds, they kissed softly. It was a mouth watering kiss many would die for, but Sakura drew back sadly, "I'm sorry." she said sadly, and turned running out of the Cafe. She ran into the heavily forested area of the park and crouched down. She could not betray her only love, where had these feelings come from? Why must she attract such handsome men? It was a terrible burden, being so perfect...Sakura crouched behind a tree, smiling as her squirrel friend Toby, bounded next to her.

"Oh Toby..." she sighed, "Will you be my magical familiar?"

"_Of course m'lady." _he squeaked. _"But you must know, my name is Mel. Tis short for Melchisadec."_

"Okay Toby." Sakura smiled patting his head fondly, she sighed relaxing again, oblivious to the furious critter, who squeaked again and ran away.

"Toby?" she blinked, was her familiar abandoning her?

"Hello princess kitty."

Gasping Sakura looked up to see Kishu floating mid air. "Toby you traitor!" she called after the squirrel and Kish raised an eyebrow to himself slowly.

"Aren't we...cute." he said unsurely before moving in closer, and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Stop it!" Sakura pouted, as Kish forcefully planted a kiss on her lips. "I have enough problems!"

"Share them with me..." he whispered kissing down her neck, Sakura kneed him harshly in the stomach, forcing him away. She scrambled up and ran through the trees, for the sanctuary of the cafe...except...Ryou was there! Cursing to herself in a ladylike way, Sakura wondered if she could run all the way to her apartment. Suddenly she felt her feet lifted off the ground, as arms wrapped her once more, "No!" she cried, doing her best to struggle, before she dug her nails into his arm. Kish yelled out dropping her. Sakura squealed hitting the ground, before something pink sparkled around her, and she felt herself morph...into a cat?! What had happened?! Why was she a little cream cat with pink ribbons and a bell? Oh goodness what a day, it was the best she could do not to burst into kitty tears. Darting for a bush, Sakura waited silently, until she heard Kish curse, and the sounds of teleportation ripples. A sigh that came out as a purr came from Sakura's mouth, before she walked out of her hiding place. Her best option was to walk back to the cafe. She did so, glaring as her familiar trotted next to her.

_"And where were you Toby?" _she mewed pitifully. The squirrel squeaked. _"I don't appreciate the wrong name m'lady, I am a prince and if you kiss me I will turn back into one."_

Royalty, she didn't need it. The cafe came into view and Sakura bounded over and up the steps, putting her paws on the door she frowned as it stood solidly. Ryou had locked up! Sakura ran around the back, leaping onto a window sill, she mewed at Ryou who was jigging in the kitchen to what sounded like Rick Astley.

"_Help!" _she mewed. Toby scurried under the window sill and squeaked to her again.

_"I've encountered this before m'lady, a kiss is truly what you need!" _

Sakura faintly recalled one of Ichigo's boring rants, about how she had to kiss Ryou (show off much!) when she.._had turned into a cat! _

"_Very well." _Sakura jumped down, and hesitantly she puckered up, kissing the squirrel, before the same sparkly pink aura flowed in the air, and Sakura grew feet taller.

_"Still not a prince!" _Toby wailed as Sakura opened the back door and ran in, Ryou jumped and turned his eyes widening.

"I had to come back," Sakura said quickly, "Kish was after me."

"Oh yes." Ryou nodded walking over. "Don't worry, I'll always protect you."

"I know." Sakura blushed, she moved in pecking him on the lips.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow evening?" Ryou asked, blushing himself. Sakura smiled, "Yes, I shall. Pick me up at seven, a good restaurant. Five star."

"Only for you my princess."

Sakura left then, walking past a news stand on the way home, she stopped as the top line caught her eye.

_'STAR AVID ANIMAL LOVER'_

Underneath was a picture of her, kissing Toby outside Cafe Mew Mew.

'_INTERVIEW WITH THE LUCKY GUY' _was underneath, with a shot of Toby, who had a quotation line of _'I'm a prince!'_

How did the papers print so fast? We are in Sakura's world. But all was not so pleasant. That night as she slept, Sakura was plagued by her master, calling to her.

_"Tommorow our plan will commence!" he laughed evilly._

_"No!" Sakura cried, "I'm going out with Ryou!"_

_"You shall no disobey me!" her master shouted. "And do be nice to Kish, he is your ally."_

With that Sakura awoke, panting heavily, she blinked tears from her eyes and crouched in bed, pouting. She could never hide from this, she should have known. Tomorrow she would try to fly back home, to star in _New Moon. _She must escape.

But the alien on her balcony was determined she wouldn't.

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**I couldn't think of much humour for this chapter really...so I'm getting straight to the action..will Sakura leave? Who will she choose? Ryou or Kish? Or her 'true love' she's forgotten about? Who is her master!?**


End file.
